p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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