So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
COCAINE IS GR8
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