so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
