how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
