he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
