I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
