Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
