I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
