Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
