this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
