you guys were way drunker than both of me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
