I wish I could teleport
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize