She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
