I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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