im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
