Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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