I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
