The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
