Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
