you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
