wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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