i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
