My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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