You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
