His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
