I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
