I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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