theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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