This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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