He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
