God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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