is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
