Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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