8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
