Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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