I heard we made out
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
