Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
