just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize