bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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