So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
