i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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