I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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