I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
