I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
