awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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