Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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