I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
