well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
