I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
