Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
