You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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