im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
