See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
