Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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