I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
