Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is not my ceiling
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize