I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
