i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
