You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
