I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
