I want to walk on stilts...naked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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