You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
