I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude. I can hear the air.
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