WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
