You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
