last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
