The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
