But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
