This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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