listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
