I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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