Only a mothe r could love this liver
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
